I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
