ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
