I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize