You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
