we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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