I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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