i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
