Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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