mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
