I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
