I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
