I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
