Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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