Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
