Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
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My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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