a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
