There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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