TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
