Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
God I need to hump something, right now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize