she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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