It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
