just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
