i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
