I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
