I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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