I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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