first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
