Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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