It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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