GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
