it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
