Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
