I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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