Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
