I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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