Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
