He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
