Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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