you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
