sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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