I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
