so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
did i walk over a car last night?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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