I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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