So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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