I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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