did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
