Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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