i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
