I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
