Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize