Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
