AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
