after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
