Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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