New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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