I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
