He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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