Are we in a gay sports bar?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
