I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
