your parents love me but you hate me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize