I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
