ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My ass is underappreciated
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
