You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
