I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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