They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
