he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
