On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
