It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
