she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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