She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, beer. Big fan.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
