i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
