maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
