now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
