i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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