I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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